For his birthday one year the suburban loser takes the entire family and even his sons’ girlfriends to the restaurant on top of the casino downtown where they order wagyu sliders, tomahawk steaks, buttery scallops, silky potatoes, truffle filled quesadillas, and chocolate lava cakes with candy shells that unfold when warm cherry sauce is poured on top, and he lets everyone take a picture of the bill because the total was over a thousand dollars. I bet no one has ever done this for you before, the suburban loser tells everyone during the elevator ride down to the lobby.