Five Dead, More Wounded

Four people die in this story, including the protagonist who is based off my real life friend, Eric Lapelle. The other three who die are modeled after Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and my old landlord, though anyone can be substituted for those three figures: other billionaires, millionaires, landowners, home owners, your boss, your neighbor who can afford better groceries, someone with happy children, someone with a supportive family, someone who smiles, someone who has experienced things you haven’t, someone with more goodwill, yourself. It can be anyone, really.

The protagonist is named Gabriel, a name with biblical intonations not directly mapped to the story. The climax of the story is when Gabriel murders the other three in front of their children. The set-up leading to the climax is a brief overview of Gabriel’s life, situated in such a way that it blends touchpoints of his own existence with the broader sweep of human history. The hope is the story paints a searing emotional portrait colored with murky suggestions of conspiratorial intrigue.

For example, the story might begin by describing Gabriel’s childhood in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan, his father an insurance broker, his mother a hairdresser. Gabriel would be a middle child of four and his childhood would be marked by feelings of isolation from others at school. These feelings would be illustrated by choice examples such as the songs he would write on the guitar he was gifted one Christmas that included lyrics like “uncool people don’t get to play/they just sit inside and wait all day” or the year he told his mother he didn’t want a birthday party because he didn’t want to embarrass his parents if no one attended. In the background, key world events would transpire such as September 11th, the anthrax attacks, the proliferation of the internet, Operation Iraqi Freedom, various mass shootings, the financial meltdown of 2008, more mass shootings, and the ambient rise of American despair as counted by debt, synthetic drug addiction, and suicide. Gabriel would learn about the abstract shape of these vents, but only in the way a young person does, such as half-glimpses at the television during dinner, snippets on the car radio during the ride to school, sitting on the stairs while his parents talked in the living room, or through the small lectures of an opinionated math teacher. His primary method of understanding these world events would be through limited but direct experience of them, such as asking his parents if terrorists would attack their home next, going to bed afraid he’d be drafted off to war once he turned 18, ordering freedom fries from the school cafeteria, no longer having family pizza night once a month, spending long summers at home, helping his father on a midnight paper route, helping his mom turn a laundry tub in the basement into a salon sink for hairdressing, watching his father lose weight after taking a door-to-door sales job, asking if he could be home schooled, crying after his father smacked one of his sisters, crying when his aunt told him about the antichrist, saying goodbye to his older brother after they were forced out of the house for doing drugs, saying hello to his brother after they came back to live in the basement, learning a patriotic song to sing in school, hearing his father say he loved him, discovering heavy metal, gaining weight, talking to a school psychiatrist, wondering why life felt so much better in third grade than it did in seventh, wondering if life would feel good again in high school, feeling a sense of pride and victory when Saddam Hussein was captured, discovering pornography, recycling big garbage bags of beer bottles for spare change, discovering chat rooms, getting punched by his brother, helping his mother convert the salon sink back into a laundry tub, hating

the old car his father drove, learning he could make people laugh if he did outrageous things like removing his shirt during morning assembly, getting suspended from school, moving into the basement himself after his brother left a second time on their own accord, swimming in the above-ground pool his father bought one day, joining his first band with someone he met at a Guitar Center, coming home from that first and last band practice in unexplained tears, promising his parents he liked the pool, joining a second band months later, getting his first friends, getting his first girlfriend, learning she kissed another boy during prom night, being escorted away from her house by the police after he laid behind the wheels of the parked car in her driveway, telling a stranger online that he loved fragile tender moments, receiving a picture from that same stranger of a male asshole, driving downtown with his father to look for his brother, continuing to work the paper route, picking up a to-go order of chocolate cake from a restaurant one night only to see all his friends there without him, wondering why seventh grade felt so much better than senior year of high school, deciding not to go to college, thinking about suicide, hearing his father say he was proud of the man Gabriel was becoming, learning to share the basement with his grandmother when she moved in, wearing all black clothes, working as a pizza delivery driver, listening to classic rock with his father, making dinner with his mother, watching his sisters get married and have children, slowly thinking about his brother less and less, making more friends, making those friends laugh by doing outrageous things like running away from the police after jumping into strangers pools at night, running away from the police after shoplifting, running away from the police after destroying a manger scene in front of a church, becoming addicted to scratch off lottery tickets, hearing less from friends as they went off to college, starting new bands, watching movies with his grandmother, becoming better a guitar, realizing his grandmother had dementia, getting different girlfriends, moving to Chicago, moving back home after his first three paychecks bounced, realizing his dad also had dementia after heart surgery complications, finding release in slot machines, banning himself from all local casinos, driving to the casino on the Ohio border, taking care of his father, watching his father smile when he listened to classic rock, attending his father’s funeral, attending his grandmother’s funeral, learning the casino ban didn’t actually matter, thinking more seriously about suicide, wondering if life would ever feel as good as it did in senior year of high school, hearing about more mass shootings on the news, losing friends, regretting his decision to not attend college, struggling to afford rent, no longer having sex, witnessing more mass shootings, wondering about the last time he saw a doctor, listening to extreme music, feeling angry, weighing options, questioning value, buying a gun, seeing his mother cry, feeling angry, watching his landlord go on vacation, pissing dark cloudy urine, forgetting things, gaining weight, getting late-onset acne, catching up with old friends, not understanding basic sentences, eating cheap food, seeing more mass shootings, identifying his brother, avoiding eye contact panhandlers on the way back from work, moving, learning his new boss was younger than him, admiring stock market tickers, buying another gun, waving hello to the person who sold drugs to his brother at the park, reading things online, crying, walking at night, missing his father, missing his brother, missing his grandmother, wondering why things felt so much better a year ago, looking up the average age of a home buyer, looking up the average age of a father, looking up the survival rates of various diseases, looking up how it felt to overdose on drugs, looking up symptoms of dementia, growing his hair out, seeing trees blossom in December, paying for an extra window unit in the summer, forgetting to brush his teeth,
ignoring the news, forgetting to take out the trash, finding new websites online, admitting he never would have seen the Great Barrier Reef anyway, laughing at odd times, crying, witnessing more mass shootings. This, of course, would be framed in such a way that the greater context was never lost, meaning it would be clear that Gabriel’s pain was only but one thread in a grander tapestry of suffering, a uniquely American song.

At this point in the story, there would be an abrupt shift in content and tone in order to discuss the broader history of assassination, violence, and intelligence during the 20th century. First the text would introduce Operation Gladio, a project that saw the CIA and foreign equivalents pouring arms and funds into European far-right paramilitary brigades after World War II. The brigades, which were little more than loose collections of thugs and mafioso, were given carte blanche to commit terrorist attacks and kill innocent people in order to stop the spread of communism, though the perpetrators themselves did not seem to be ideologically motivated. The text would imply that in addition to “stopping communism,” the reigning post-war political order benefited from the instability created by the violence, that the specter of lone wolf attacks gave sufficient reason for administrations to pass various security laws, consolidate power, and increase budgets. The text would be careful to not paint Operation Gladio as the planned work of machinations, but rather as an arrogant and sociopathic proposition that escaped the control of those who set it in motion. Notably, this would all be framed as a neglected but otherwise accepted piece of history, thus avoiding the stench often found in revisionism and conspiracy theories. This same aloof perspective would be brought to high-profile political assassinations, such as JFK, RFK, MLK, and Malcom X, implying that all such killings were the work of intelligence agencies in some way, but only in the sense that the interests of individual employees intersected with petty, private interests of others—for example, it would posit that JFK was murdered not because the president was a singular voice sent to bring about world peace and destroy the military-industrial complex, but because some people in and outside the agency were preternaturally bitter about the Cuban Missile Crisis and wanted to inflict pain. The conspirators behind these assassinations did not cause or solve anything, the text would argue, at least not what was originally intended, and any swerves of history that occurred after those assassinations were coincidental, the effect of larger market forces brushing against one another. Like Operation Gladio, assassinations were a wisp of the chaos beyond control. There would be a melancholy assertion that even if the victims meant to change the world before they died, such as MLK or Malcolm X, they would have failed anyway, for they were up against too much. After a paragraph break, the text would detail the wave of serial killers that plagued America around the time of these political assassinations. In addition to being mentally ill, some of these killers were peripherally related to intelligence and authority. It would highlight Charles Manson as a person involved in early studies on the effects of LSD that was orchestrated by architects of the infamous CIA project MK ULTRA, such as the psychiatrist Jolly West (by including proper nouns, the text would suggest the reader research these topics on their own). There would be a small, angry non-sequitur that pointed out many rapists and murders of this era were eventually revealed to be pigs outside their uniform. This would then segue into assassinations and attempts by individuals who had no clear connection to intelligence and rather were simply mentally ill, such as John Hinckley Jr., Mark David Chapman, and Cesar Sayoc. At the point, the text would appear contradictory, deliberately introducing pieces of evidence against its former thesis, suggesting most

assassinations could reasonably be reduced to acts of madness from crazed loners. This would then be followed by a narrative passage on the life of Timothy McVeigh, the perpetrator of the Oklahoma City Bombings, describing his incomplete history in the Army and private security industries which brought him in close contact with counter-insurgency programs such as PATCON (the text would be aware that the repetition of all-caps acronyms and initials would create a crackpot aura akin to a photocopied rambling stapled to a telephone pole you will often see in American cities and would try to write against this appearance by arranging the acronyms in a shape like concrete poetry), mysterious medical procedures, the rise of his anti-governmental beliefs, and his travels within the white supremacist cells that existed in America, many of which were filled with informants and undercover agents. The text would imply that McVeigh was an evil person who killed people because he wanted to, but also someone who bombed a building with help of people inside and outside the halls of power. There would be a sentence or two on how some people still consider McVeigh a hero or martyr of sorts, just as some consider Ted Kaczynski to be a political thinker and activist worth serious consideration. That information would then be juxtaposed with the romantic and morbid fascination some people have with mass shooters, such as the two young men who committed the Columbine Shooting that can be identified by their first names. The text would then allude to the number of murders who have written manifestos before they killed innocent people and gained the adoration of fanatics, fascists, and racists, just as the murders who have not written any manifesto at all before killing large numbers of innocent people have gained the adoration and fascination of people who would never think of committing such acts of violence themselves. The latter type of killing, the random mass shooting, has proliferated along with the rise of the internet, the text would state, not arguing that these killings have happened because of the internet, but rather observing the internet has made it easier for people to disseminate manifestos, research plans of action, and livestream the killings themselves or the frighteningly mundane moments before the killings take place, such as the drive to a school or mosque. The internet also makes it easier for the public to riffle through the lives and traces of these murders—it’s now easy to see what sorts of websites the killers visited, what sorts of thoughts they broadcast, and what sorts people they associated with. In many cases, the paper trail only points to an ill person marked for death. Other times, there were clear prior signs that the murderer was plotting an attack, and in a better world they would have been deterred or apprehended before it was too late. In some cases still, there is reputable evidence that the murderer was in contact with intelligence agencies who had knowledge of their plan and may have even put their plans into motion by means of subtle and unsubtle encouragement, especially if the murderer or would-be murderer fit an ever-shifting profile. This section of the story would essentially act as an undulating funnel that shows the proximities and echoes of modern violence on both a political and individual scale, how the motives of violence can be both grand and petty (usually both at once), and the ways in which violence is a black-eyed ghoul that spreads extinction and suffering. Yet ultimately this section would fail to make a singular argument that made sense of all the evidence, an omission that would signify both the complexity of the problem and the futility of such a task. As if to emphasize this point, the section would end by rattling off details of other clandestine operations with government involvement, such as blackmailing campaigns, trafficking rings, drug trade, dirty wars, and sabotage. This again would signal the problem is larger and more interconnected than any scope of
comprehension, but would also suggest that the these acts are not necessarily creating the world we live in, but rather panicked attempts to contain it, more wisps of the chaos beyond control.

The third and final act of the story would return to Gabriel. During the interlude, Gabriel would have descended further along his path and the narrative would pick up in the middle of something, such as Gabriel attending a party or convention, approaching one of the three figures mentioned in the first paragraph. If it were a party or convention or some other sort of mass gathering, the three figures would be grouped together, perhaps on a stage. If not, they would have reason to all be in the same general area at once, such as attending a function like Art Basel Miami. In the first scenario, Gabriel would approach the stage and shoot each of the three figures in the head. Their brains would splatter out the back of their skull, pieces of bone would land on their families, and blood would run from their ears. Before that happened, the story would pause on their face, describing the moments of bleak horror that descended upon them once faced with the barrel of a gun or graze of a bullet, the realization that this is how it ended for them, their money, property, and power had all been for naught, they were being murdered in front of their children. Gabriel would then be shot by security or he would shoot himself. In the second scenario, Gabriel would be in a more strategic sniper’s nest position so he could pick off these figures one by one. While this would have more exciting pacing like an action movie, it would be more complex to set-up and risk ruining any verisimilitude established thus far in the story. In either case, both scenarios would end with Gabriel dying. He would be martyred by some, villainized by others, but, in the end, forgotten by all. His great plan and great project for the killings was vile and inchoate, doused in uncouth conspiracies and faulty reasonings. However, he unintentionally succeeded in showing the world that the people in charge were made from flesh and blood and had organs that failed. They could be punished for their actions, they could be killed in front of their children. Sadly, whether or not the wider world picked up on this lesson did not matter, for equivalent replacements for each of the three were easily found and the general trajectory of things continued on. Gabriel was an ill person marked for death. The story would end on an ambiguous note, suggesting that outside of fiction the course of events may not be so fatalistic while still deriding violence in all forms.

In real life the story is not over yet. The person Gabriel is based on, Eric Lapelle, is very much alive and not fictionalized. Some of the biographical details are shared between the two characters, but most are invented. For example, Gabriel from the story has never told me that once his mother dies, he plans on killing himself, but Eric has. Being vaguely suicidal myself, I don’t always have the best advice for cheering someone up, and I get the sense there’s a deep loneliness and pain in Eric’s life that I alone could never combat, especially now that I live in another state and have a life of my own. Instead, I respond with a groan, like I’m in the nosebleeds watching a ball fly afar of the foul pole. Perhaps I failed him, or, better said, am currently failing him. Or perhaps he will never kill himself and in the end this hand-wringing is self-indulgent, only a mourning of the person he’s come to be. Thinking of Eric as I used to know him, I think of the times we spent together in high school. He was a few years older than I was, and thus responsible for many of the experiences that constitute my life. I would skip class and he’d pick me up in the school parking lot before driving somewhere like New York or Chicago to see a punk band play in a basement. We would come up with innocuous pranks, like winning a giant life-sized tiger plush at a carnival and hiding it among the trees next to an overpass. We

explored the city together, going places no one else my age would dare to go. We also liked to make each other laugh by kissing in front of strangers to shock them, going on double dates wearing matching tracksuits, or daring each other to do one stupid thing after another that could have gotten us killed like sledding down icy hills with our knees tucked into trash cans. What I remember most about Eric is how these moments of ours would get serious on a dime. For example, one of the things we liked to do on late summer nights is sneak into stranger’s backyard hot tubs and have low-voiced conversations. In whispers, we sat as two young men and tried to talk about the things we thought mattered, like love, purpose, society, and all the other things you think about at that age. I can’t remember what we said, only that at the time we took it extremely seriously. As we got older and encountered more pain in our lives, Eric and I talked less frequently, but when we did, we still held the penchant to get suddenly serious, only now about grief, sadness, idleness, and despair. We had real experience with these things now, which of course meant we had even less to say. As our conversations now dwindle even further apart, I look at Eric as a person whose life did not turn out the way he had hoped, and certainly not in the way he deserved while lesser, evil people flourish. This fills me with a tender sadness that at times urges me to reach out and lift him up, but in the end I am deterred because I too feel that life did not turn out the way I had hoped, at least not yet, and this generates a rage inside of me as much as it does that tender sadness, the mixture of which was the genesis for this story.

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