XXXIV.

After he is diagnosed with brain cancer, the suburban loser tries every type of Little Debbie snack cake, places endless orders of take-out Chinese, and drains two-liters of soda like they’re mini cans. At night, he gathers his friends and family around the bonfire and tells everyone he isn’t going to die skinny. People laugh and his closest friends tell him he isn’t exactly living skinny, either. Then everyone tosses their beer bottles into the recycling bin and goes inside for another handful of chips from the bag on the counter only to discover the bag is more empty than they anticipated, not because of the suburban loser but because of his two sons, who are eating the chips and everything else in the house at a rapid clip, almost faster than their father.